you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
