What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
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