OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize