did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I could fuck to npr.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
