Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
