Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
