She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
