ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
