i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
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Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
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You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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