i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
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Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
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he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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