this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
