The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
