5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So here I am, sexting at work.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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