I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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