I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
