the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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