i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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