Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
