There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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