my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Vodka?
Forever.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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