Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
