if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
