Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
