I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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