I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
