I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
