I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
