I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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