There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
