She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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