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I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
