Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
