Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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