i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
