Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
