It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize