Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She's like a pop up book from hell.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
