Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
