she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
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omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
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My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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