I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
