My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
