I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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