the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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