im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
im holly from the hills drunk
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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