Sry I called you an 8
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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