When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
