if i can run in heels then i can drive
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
