If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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