I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
