I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
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Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
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You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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