Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
