i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
