Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
a search helicopter?!
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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