I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
