Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
