My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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