I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
