So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
