Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
