He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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