u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
