trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
