My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I wear drunk well.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
