Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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