Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
