Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
