Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
