He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
