Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
