I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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