I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
