I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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