tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
