just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
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